Here's this week's meditation from Annalee.
God has directed me to my mission field, He has confirmed in scripture, through words, and through other people that theater is my mission field. Yeah, you heard that right. Theater. It’s not every day that you hear someone say that God has led them to minister to people in a theater environment. In theater - and acting in general - people tend to look up to actors, especially if they become famous. Actors become role models to people, and how great would it be to minister to actors that reach to a large audience. Even though I have done theater for many years, I went through a time where I wanted to do other things such as be a doctor or a reporter, but just this January God confirmed that theater is where I’m supposed to be.
I said, “Alright Lord, I’m yours” and I went head first into theater opportunities. But the thing is, after I gave my future to God I never got one call back out of five auditions. I didn’t understand what God was doing, before I knew theater was my calling I got plenty of call backs. Anyone who has no idea what an audition consists of, it’s basically one person going in front of three people (usually a director or producer or anyone else of power) and saying memorized lines and singing a song. It doesn’t sound that scary, but it’s literally terrifying. They are judging you on your talent and your worth as an artist.
Before I go on auditions I read the bible verse John 14: 27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.” It gives me peace to know that what I’m about to do and however it ends, God is greater than my fears. Just like He is greater than any embarrassment, shame or slight we can imagine.
Well, on my fifth audition I was headed to a conservatory that I had already been accepted to two years previously. I only had a week to prepare and I didn’t feel ready at all. I went in the room with my head held high, my side of my dress ripped (yes the side of my dress ripped in the car), my resume and a picture of Jesus on my heart (literally, I keep a picture of Jesus close to my heart when I audition). My mother read to me Psalm 45: 1 for comfort: “My heart is stirring with a noble song; let me recite what I have fashioned for the king; my tongue shall be the pen of a skilled writer.” I read this verse over and over before the audition because I do sing, act, breathe for my King.
But when I got into this huge audition they ridiculed my resume, made fun of my head shot, mocked my accent, and made jokes about how I sang off key. I was mortified; I refused to sing for weeks (and I sing all the time). I would cringe in the shower thinking about the words they said; I was losing sleep because their words rang in my ears night and day. I felt worthless like I was no longer talented. I didn’t want to act, sing or dance ever again. I was at the end my rope, I yelled to God saying “I’m doing Your will! Help me to understand!” Through this I got more into God’s word, He taught me humility, courage, patience and to rely on Him and Him alone for endurance. But the embarrassment and shame still clung to my heart.
Almost a month to the date of that painful audition, one of my acting professors brought in a surprise guest teacher. Little did the students know that she was a scouting agent for a school in Tuscany. After the class was over the guest teacher pulled me aside and said. “We at the Accademia dell’Arte would love to have you for the summer. We see great talent and would like to see you nurtured at our institution, we’ll assist you as much as we can financially so that you will be able to study with us.”
Wow, isn’t God good? He was saving me for the best. And that’s exactly what God is doing for you; He’s preparing you for the best! You might think God is neglecting you and trying you time after time. He’s teaching you as He reveals His intentions to you.
Even though I had this wonderful God-send, I was still in bondage by the embarrassment of the previous audition. But today, as I was listening to the radio on my way to school the song called History By Matthew West came on. The lyrics go like this:
It’s been a bad day, you've been looking back
And all you can see is everything you wish you could take back
All your mistakes, a world of regrets
All of those moments you would rather forget
I know it's hard to believe
Let me refresh your memory
Yesterday is history
And history is miles away
So leave it all behind you
Let it always remind you of the day
The day that love made history
I cried when I heard this song, even though embarrassment is taken lightly and is told as a joke, it can put chains on you. We all have those moments where we cringe in the shower or in the car when we remember something embarrassing or painful. That’s Satan holding chains on you, God calls us to be courageous (For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather a spirit of power [courage]… -2 Tim 1:7). Anything we do in God’s name is something to never be ashamed or embarrassed about, but honored and blessed. God taught be today to never be embarrassed about the courage you showed to others.
So this Meditation Monday, I challenge you to ponder all those embarrassing moments you’ve had that still have holds on you. Whether you spoke up in class, did an audition, confronted a friend, sang off key, gave your testimony, waved to the wrong person or any other embarrassing things you can think of. Contemplate them and know that yesterday is history and history is miles away.
Don't start your Tuesday with the broken pieces of yesterday for God made yesterday in the past for a reason, so you can move forward tomorrow.
Pictured on the right!
